Talking to a friend the other day regarding a life changing move she was about to undergo. Not feeling the idea of packing up and leaving everything that feels right, she was sounding rather hesitant. Being that I uprooted my life at the age of 14 to attend boarding school... I understood how scary the whole process of relocation is. Despite knowing that you are investing in future happiness.... And also undertaking a new adventure it is heart wrenching to think of all that you will be missing.
For me, as a young teenage girl from Brooklyn moving to PA.... I knew I would miss the BK parties, pep rallies, NY sounds, traffic and most of a the Brooklyn boys! Lol... (seeing that I was too afraid to even talk to them... It wasn't like I wanted a boyfriend... I'd just miss their swagga... Their ability to make me laugh!) but in general you think about all that will be happening without you. The fact that your family will have dinner ... Without you every night. How your friends will continue to frequent Kings Plaza and see matinees on a Saturday with out you. How the world seems to go on.... With out you. That was my biggest fear- not being missed.
But I digress. Knowing that these feelings could be a bit overwhelming, especially since this person has to go, for if she didn't her disappointment will eat her alive. Being that I am a friend of this person (I think) I took it upon myself to be something of a personal cheerleader. Reminding her that this was her decision, and this is something she wanted, and most importantly she is young and this is the time for her to spread her theoretical wings.
Me: I guess congratulations are in order?
Her: no. Sadness
Me: what? Were you not accepted into the program you went for
Her: I will be moving
Me: I know, I guess it's bittersweet but none the less
....
Me: well ur young and I'm excited for you. You get to try something different!
Her: different isn't always better
Me: no... But it's different ... Keeps you from becoming complacent
Her: True. Just like staying in a relationship Through high school and college. Change bound to come
Me: Touché
Her: sorry. Just kidding
Me: no you weren’t, it's okay
Her: it's just that you were talking about complacency, I couldn't help it
What the... OUCH! That left hook came out of no where, I didnt even realize we had gotten into the ring... I woulda put on my gloves ... At least put in a mouth guard in! Shit, what I look like with braces at this age.
But that comment ( or series of comments) had my head in a world spin. Am I complacent? When do you cross over line from being content into the quicksand of complacency?!?!?
Before I knew I wanted to get a masters in urban planning, before I knew I would get a BA in international relations, before I knew I would attend BU, before I graduated from hill, before I went to boarding school.... Well you get the idea. Before I knew anything, I knew one thing: I wanted to be a wife and mother.
It was my original goal. In all actuality if nothing else works out, I need that to work out. Bringing children into the world. Lil brown skinned angels(maybe a light one or two due to heritage) who I get to help support and mold into whole healthy people along with my loving husband-- means the world to me. Building a home, a foundation a place that will reflect who my family is... What we are, our love..... It's all very important to me.
What does that tangent have to do with complacency ? Absolutely nothing. That's my point, what I just described is nothing short of a life long dream of mine. Something that I see myself working towards. Therefore, to be called complacent came as a total surprise.
When venturing into a relationship if you see no future, why waste your time? Maybe it's just me. But the way i look at it I've been in a relationship for the past almost 6 years not only because of love, but because I see a future with this person. I have dreams with this person. We are striving towards something... Together! Is that complacent? Or am I content?
However I do believe that she isn't the only person who believes that my relationship is nothing more than a living Breathing security blanket. But quite the contrary, a relationship is one of the scariest places to be. Putting your trust and faith in someone besides your self, that's a risk. While on the contrary she hides behind her age as her reason for not being in a relationship. She , who is seemingly aspiring to Wilt Chamberlin status , has probably shared herself with more men than currently playing in the NBA. She is supposedly enjoying her life, living it up. But when will enough be enough? When will she have been with enough people to be okay with staying with just one person. To me her quest is similar to that of a meth or heroine addict... Constantly chasing the dragon... The allure of some mythical relationship she created in her head all the while increasingly becoming more disillusioned with the truth as a result of not having enough real experience in a real relationship. In all reality, she has become complacent. Instead of taking risks... Actually putting the work in to be in something real with another person, she takes the shallow route and does what is easy. Not demanding more, or expecting anything, she is the definition of complacency.
But to each his own.
